Upside Down

Upside Down

After the bankruptcy he found another job and I was so thrilled that he wouldn't be around his buddy so much. Maybe now we could settle down and he would take some responsibility. Maybe now he wouldn't drink until all hours and maybe just maybe I could get a washer and dryer and some things for the house. It seemed to have taken forever; these 3 years seemed like an eternity of walking on hot coals.

Regular paychecks seemed like a real blessing although he hadn't changed much and his buddy was still coming around and planning things they could do together. . I wasn't rid of my nemesis by a long shot. 

My husband was still ruthless and terrorizing. He still raged a lot. The one good thing about having his father live with us from time to time was that he seemed to limit the outbursts his son had toward me. Even though he meant more work for me as far as laundry and taxi service to and from work and another meal to provide there was an upside to having him. Pops had a girlfriend that he would go and see so there were those times of opportunity that left me wide open to abuse.

A new decade arrived and his father left. He received a call from his ex to tell him that one of their sons had gotten in some trouble and he was needed back there to straighten things out. Before he left I made one last attempt to solve the questions surrounding my husband and his friend. I asked Pops if he knew anything about the two of them terrorizing women in a neighboring town. He acted shamed and then said he didn't know anything about that but he would say that his son's friend was a really bad guy. I still didn't have the proof I needed but there was little room for doubt about the two of them. They were together all the time and there was trouble most every time they were together.

So Pops left and I found hell in a hurry. There were no limits anymore. The boundary maker had vanished and so had what little bit of safety I had managed to get. The rages became more frequent and whenever I stood up for myself I was summarily knocked down, sometimes literally. He would sneak up on me and scare me; he would pretend to leave and slam the door and then laugh when I realized he hadn't left at all. The guy was a freak.

The new job brought new friends but unfortunately they were the same kinds of friends as before. Was it some form of misogyny or was it that he was telling his friends that I was a horrible wife? One evening he came home to tell me that he had invited a co-worker and his wife over since they had asked to borrow something of his. When they arrived it wasn't too long before the guy took it upon himself to insult me over the terrible coffee I made for my husband's work thermos. I was stunned. Here he was a guest in my house and he was rather angrily humiliating me about my coffee. It was very weird to which I replied that I didn't know that I had married him. He went quiet after that but I was left with the distinct feeling that my husband had deliberately sought to bring me down to anyone who would listen.

After this and into the years that followed there were many lessons, some very harsh lessons about trust and denial and proof. Lessons that taught self-control, do not engage him, do not trust him, do not give second chances, listen to your inner voice, never confront through the front door always use an alternative route, keep accurate mental records of offences, study behaviors and strategies, understand the limitations of the present justice system especially when dealing with someone as capable of crafting convincing lies as he is, rely on your own integrity, know you will experience losses, understand your legal rights, like statute of limitations, power of attorney etc., do not become subject to petty arguments meant to distract you, Use your WITS. Work behind the scenes. 

Lately we had been getting an upfront view of the Manson Family and the women who crawled on their hands and knees to worship Charlie. They even murdered for him. We see the psychopath on TV and read about him in the papers. His face was everywhere and we know he is weird appearing. He looks like the devil or at least crazy yet he speaks like a guru as if to know deep thoughts. He speaks in lies and fables that have no meaning except to show off his self-importance. His look was obvious to us as a demon. We abhor the sight of him. We want him punished.  He used his charm to get others to do his dirty work.


Creeping around my house was another kind of demon: A soft spoken poor me good looking demon. He could hurt you just as well but you wouldn't be able to pick him out in a crowd as deranged in any way. Oh, but he was very cunningly deranged and I was living with him.

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