As we approach the holiday season, Thanksgiving being only days away, I have decided to give thanks for my son's chance at a new life through the justice system. I also plan to be grateful in prayer to the one who reported his crime so that they, but especially him, could finally receive help and find sobriety. I also hope that the gift I receive on Christmas will be one of peace for all concerned. "God bless us one and all". Charles Dickens
Happy Holidays to all of you who have been following my story. I am taking time to celebrate and enjoy the season of loving and giving with my husband and friends. I will be back to continue my story in January. My wishes for your health, happiness and prosperity now and in the New Year.
LIGHT OR DARK
As a mother, my natural inclination is to reach out to my son and protect him. It is as natural as sunlight in the day and moonlight at night: Light to dark and so forth. But today I am called upon to do the right thing: Right thought, right speech, and right action. Today he faces the judge as part of his charge for domestic violence. I feel compromised by love and by right. I, above all people, should understand the need for laws against Domestic Violence; the need for reprimands against it and justice for those who have been victimized by it. The pain at the moment is deep. As deep as any of the wounds of a mother who has witnessed a son take the wrong path over and over again on his life's journey.
It would not be right of me to reach out and to offer assistance in order to try and change this destiny in any way. I have an obligation to myself, to the truth and to society and also to him, to allow him the right of his own passage. He must learn consequences and how to avoid the pitfalls of "enjoyable sins" Including those intoxications of drugs, women and moral decay.
Rage is an unacceptable response, drug fueled rage or alcohol fueled rage is only worse, never an excuse. He has to require more of himself and he has avoided that so far. Now the court will decide the requirement. It is out my hands or my sphere of influence.
There are no more last chances to offer him against his defiance of the rules. He has not demonstrated that he should be given an exemption to any of the laws involving substance abuse and rage.
As hard as this is, I must resist the urge to provide him any alternatives in thought or action. It has all been offered and re-offered dozens of times, in the years leading up to this point. He rejected every opportunity given to him. I have to live between empathy for a son in distress and waiting for his willingness to take responsibility for what he has done. Both he and his victim say they cannot remember what happened during the altercation. Therefore, they are both "prisoners of that moment", until such time as they grasp accountability as one of the root principles of life.
I figured, as I watched his life go downhill, that this is the way it would probably end up. I couldn't see any other logical outcome for someone so enthralled with the escapism of substance abuse and the depravity of thought that addiction demands. For him to cling to it with such tenacity could only bring jail or death or both.
We have arrived here at the scales of justice. I am sad for him and for me. Society has demanded its price be paid. For me, it is one of the major crises of my life: presenting me with the struggle between hope and disappointment. For him it could bring a change for the better if he looks beyond the confines of his altered mind. That is yet to be answered.
The following story is one I compare to substance abuse and how trying to bring someone to recovery is a painful experience of rejection vs freedom of choice.
Taken from Max Lucado's The Woodcutter's Wisdom and Other Favorite Stories
The Cave People
Long ago, or maybe not so long ago, there was a tribe in a dark, cold cavern. The cave dwellers would huddle together and cry against the chill. Loud and long they wailed. It was all they did. It was all they knew to do. The sounds in the cave were mournful, but the people didn't know it, for they had never known joy. The spirit in the cave was death, but the people didn't know it, for they had never known life.
But then, one day, they heard a different voice. "I have heard your cries," it announced. "I have felt your chill and seen your darkness. I have come to help."
The cave people grew quiet. They had never heard this voice, hope sounded strange to their ears. "How can we know you have come to help?"
"Trust me," he answered. "I have what you need."
The cave people peered through the darkness at the figure of the stranger. He was stacking something, then stooping and stacking more.
"What are you doing?" one cried, nervous.
The stranger didn't answer.
"What are you making?" one shouted even louder.
Still no response.
"Tell us!" demanded a third.
The visitor stood and spoke in the direction of the voices. "I have what you need." With that he turned to the pile at his feet and lit it. Wood ignited, flames erupted, and light filled the cavern.
The cave people turned away in fear. "Put it out!" they cried. "It hurts to see it."
"Light always hurts before it helps," he answered. "Step closer. The pain will soon pass."
"Not I," declared a voice.
"Nor I," agreed a second.
"Only a fool would risk exposing his eyes to such light."
The stranger stood next to the fire. "Would you prefer the darkness? Would you prefer the cold? Don't consult your fears. Take a step of faith"
For a long time no one spoke. The people hovered in groups covering their eyes. The fire builder stood next to the fire. "It's warm here," he invited.
"He's right," one from behind him announced. "It's warmer." The stranger turned a saw a figure slowly stepping toward the fire. "I can open my eyes now," she proclaimed. "I can see."
"Come closer," invited the fire builder.
She did. She stepped into the ring of light.
"It's so warm!" she extended her hands and sighed as her chill began to pass.
"Come, everyone! Feel the warmth," she invited.
"Silence, woman!" cried one of the cave dwellers. "Dare you lead us into your folly? Leave us. Leave us and take your light with you."
She turned to the stranger. "Why won't they come?"
"They choose the chill, for though it's cold, it's what they know. They'd rather be cold than change."
"And live in the dark?"
"And live in the dark."
The now-warm woman stood silent. Looking first at the dark, then at the man.
"Will you leave the fire?" he asked.
She paused, then answered, "I cannot. I cannot bear the cold." Then she spoke again. "But nor can I bear the thought of my people in darkness."
"You don't have to," he responded, reaching into the fire and removing a stick. "Carry this to your people. Tell them the light is here, and the light is warm. Tell them the light is for all who desire it."
And so she took the small flame and stepped into the shadows.
I, too, must take my small flame of light and step back into the shadows of his life for what I have to give is not accepted. He wants me to stop shedding light on his Indiscretions and ": enjoyable sins". He would rather live in the dark than change.
Sequel to Wonder Rocks
Present Day
Wake up calls are generally a part of everyone's life: something happens that alerts a person to make a different choice or decision about the way they have been living. The "little boy" in Wonder Rocks 1 has been faced with his past behavior and his current behavior which has landed him in a homeless shelter and soon to face a judge. But, what about the vagabond lover he ran away with so many years ago? Yes, he left, abandoning all others to partake in the "enjoyable sins" of drug abuse and family negligence with a woman of questionable character. What about her? What is she facing for her part in all of this?
Wonder Rocks 2
Once upon a time there was a woman with a past. Her past was a history of broken men that she had manipulated and used to her advantage. She had a strategy of sugar coated love laced with charm when she spotted someone who would believe her lies and feel sorry for her predicament. Soon she would hook them into her cycle of drug abuse and lying and stealing while looking like the perfect partner and lover. She could charm even the smartest man and turn him into a lovelorn, confused, deprived hapless horror story in a matter of months. Once he bought in there was no way out, the water just kept getting deeper until it was over his head and he was drowning in this so called "love". His only rescuer was her. Only she had all the answers he needed to survive. His role was to work and support her drug habit without fail as she manipulated every facet of his existence through sex, charm, tears, and neediness and the experience of living on the street and surviving. Her favorite line was, 'Oh,no, what do I do"? to elicit sympathy and a need for rescuing by anyone who had caught her in a lie. It had been told that she did this countless times and had a reputation for destroying the families of these men as she went through lover after lover.
When the "little boy" now a man met her it was a dream come true. Everybody told him she was toxic and to stay away from her. "Don't go there, they said, she is bad news". But he wouldn't listen. This was the woman he wanted, no doubt in his mind. As we learned before in the story she was his choice because she would never put restrictions on him for his need for drugs because she like wonder rocks too. It became a drug partnership more than anything else. They ran from town to town trying to cover their tracks and just getting in deeper all the time.
There was one specific day that the whole story could be told if anyone was listening (which they were not). It was after he had been in the hospital for wounds from drug induced hallucinations. They had been together for about a year at that time as nearly as I can calculate. She had her hooks in him big time and she wasn't about to let go. Her family was sending her to drug rehab in another state hoping to separate the two of them. Now the couple was in extreme panic because they had been found out and they feared being without each other and their source for drugs. They had a phone system where they called a third phone in order to reach out to each other. They used relatives as a contact messengers. The extremes they went to were extraordinary, all to protect their drug use. When the opportunity came up she would enlist his siblings and extended family as allies in her attempts to control him. This usually occurred when he was showing signs of leaving her or accepting treatment. She would convince them of her undying love and devotion to her wonderful husband and they fell for her convincing displays of affection. It was merely a tactic to keep her fool in line.
On this particular day they were using my phone and for some reason instinct told me to listen in. I heard a conversation that actually made me want to vomit. I was actually listening to Satan in the Garden of Eden. I went weak and pale. In her sugary sweet little meek voice she said to him," You know I am a good person, don't you"? He offered a cool low "yes." "Well, she said, let me tell you what to do. When I go into treatment you tell them (your family) that you want to go to treatment and then you get in your truck and you come and get me and we will be together." At that point she started reminding him of all the fun they had when they were using together and that is all it took to wet his appetite for a long ride through hell which is still going on today. That was 6 years ago and the jig is up. The schemes and deceptions have been revealed. Will she pay for her deception and malign cunning? I sincerely doubt it. Right now she is the victim and is being protected by the law and she is taking full advantage of it. No one is going to look at what was underneath the obvious.
Because he didn't listen and follow the advice of his friends and family, he definitely will pay the penalties and consequences for all of his actions and choices which is a must for his healing. He has a string of offences covering many years that he needs to admit to and get help for. This is the turning point and we all hope that he takes it.
