The Honeymoon
Four years before the little boy was born his mom and dad were married in a lovely church ceremony followed by a reception. The bouquet was thrown and they left on their honeymoon dreaming of a happily ever after. The bride had no idea what was in store for her. She was totally unaware of his scornful nature and would be rudely awakened from her dream in just a few hours.
The honeymoon included a side trip to see his parents who had not been able to attend our wedding. His mother was a single mom and still had 4 children at home and could not afford the trip and his father had kept his location secret to avoid the constant harassment of his ex-wife. That’s what he led me to believe anyway. ( I am not so sure that they just didn’t want to be anywhere near him anymore and were glad he had left them behind.)
We arrived in his hometown and went to his mother’s house. We were told that we would find his mother working in a saloon down town. We drove to see her right sway. When we entered the bar, I sat at a table while he went over to the bar where his mother was sitting with her boyfriend. I thought I would give them a few minutes of privacy. In an instant, a fight ensued. From what I could gather it was over her choice of a boyfriend. My new husband was hitting his mother with his closed fists and yelling obscenities at her. She was fighting back and landing some blows herself. It was an awful brawl and shocking to me. I had never experienced anything like this. Witnessing such disrespect and vulgarity left me shaking in distress, I was scared. Who did I marry? I blinked.
I was ready to leave, but then I remembered I was 900 miles away from home, I didn’t have a car of my own, we had pooled our money (which he carried), and the nearest airport was some 50 miles away an another town and I didn’t know anyone who would give me a ride. As a matter of fact, I didn’t know anyone there at all. I looked around for someone to help me but all I saw were the vacant eyes of drunks who couldn’t even help themselves let alone help me. There wasn’t even Taxi service in this one horse town and the only bus was a Trailways service that pulled through town once a day or once a weekend and I certainly couldn’t wait for that... I was stuck. I was really stuck in some kind of karmic train wreck with a terrible man. Alone and scared I was facing an unknown destination and a clouded future that turned my blood cold with a panic.
The bar room went silent and the music stopped while people gawked at the sight of a mother-son battle until he came to my table and said “Let’s go.” Without a word I stood up and left with him. It was a long ride to Yellowstone Park with few words between us. I didn’t dare ask any questions and he didn’t offer any answers. All I knew is that I lost respect and trust in a split second and those qualities would never return to our marriage. I could never put complete faith in him from that day forward and was constantly wary of any untoward behavior. I believed that he could harm me and this was an unspoken threat that I lived under for years. In a week and half we would be home and I kept my composure through miles and miles of anxiety and fright. What was he capable of? What was he going to do with me? Leave me stranded by the side of the road? Beat me up in the car? I had to make it back to home base to neutralize and equalize the playing field. Until then, I was a sitting duck in a car with a man full of cloaked rage covered in nervous sweat. Those 900 miles seemed to go on forever.
The next 6 months at home brought nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps this episode with his mother was a fluke. I relaxed a little. I went back to work and was the sole support of the family then. He was trying to start a business with a friend of his, but to be honest it was mostly drinking and partying and fishing and hunting with all the responsibilities left to me. Sometimes I became frustrated with his selfish irresponsibility and half –truths and scrapes with the law. Otherwise it was day in and day out stuff until he hit me. Out of the blue he it me. I stood there in shock and confusion, I was so bewildered. How could he hit me, he said he loved me? My trust was broken even further. No man had ever hit me. It crushed my heart.
Looking back I should have left right then but it seemed so soon, so cowardly to walk out now. We hadn’t even tried yet. Everybody told me that marriage takes work but what took work after this act, was the love.
About that time we had received word from his family that his mother’s mobile home had been burned to the ground and later that her boyfriend had been killed in alley somewhere back there. My mind started racing. Had he gone back there on one of his hunting trips and done that? I didn’t put it past him. I was always so leery of what he was up to. I was keenly aware that hidden within him was the potential to do something like that, but I thought it was just a felt sense. Of course I didn’t accuse him, that would have been suicide, but I sure wondered about it.
Next post Acts of Madness
The honeymoon included a side trip to see his parents who had not been able to attend our wedding. His mother was a single mom and still had 4 children at home and could not afford the trip and his father had kept his location secret to avoid the constant harassment of his ex-wife. That’s what he led me to believe anyway. ( I am not so sure that they just didn’t want to be anywhere near him anymore and were glad he had left them behind.)
We arrived in his hometown and went to his mother’s house. We were told that we would find his mother working in a saloon down town. We drove to see her right sway. When we entered the bar, I sat at a table while he went over to the bar where his mother was sitting with her boyfriend. I thought I would give them a few minutes of privacy. In an instant, a fight ensued. From what I could gather it was over her choice of a boyfriend. My new husband was hitting his mother with his closed fists and yelling obscenities at her. She was fighting back and landing some blows herself. It was an awful brawl and shocking to me. I had never experienced anything like this. Witnessing such disrespect and vulgarity left me shaking in distress, I was scared. Who did I marry? I blinked.
I was ready to leave, but then I remembered I was 900 miles away from home, I didn’t have a car of my own, we had pooled our money (which he carried), and the nearest airport was some 50 miles away an another town and I didn’t know anyone who would give me a ride. As a matter of fact, I didn’t know anyone there at all. I looked around for someone to help me but all I saw were the vacant eyes of drunks who couldn’t even help themselves let alone help me. There wasn’t even Taxi service in this one horse town and the only bus was a Trailways service that pulled through town once a day or once a weekend and I certainly couldn’t wait for that... I was stuck. I was really stuck in some kind of karmic train wreck with a terrible man. Alone and scared I was facing an unknown destination and a clouded future that turned my blood cold with a panic.
The bar room went silent and the music stopped while people gawked at the sight of a mother-son battle until he came to my table and said “Let’s go.” Without a word I stood up and left with him. It was a long ride to Yellowstone Park with few words between us. I didn’t dare ask any questions and he didn’t offer any answers. All I knew is that I lost respect and trust in a split second and those qualities would never return to our marriage. I could never put complete faith in him from that day forward and was constantly wary of any untoward behavior. I believed that he could harm me and this was an unspoken threat that I lived under for years. In a week and half we would be home and I kept my composure through miles and miles of anxiety and fright. What was he capable of? What was he going to do with me? Leave me stranded by the side of the road? Beat me up in the car? I had to make it back to home base to neutralize and equalize the playing field. Until then, I was a sitting duck in a car with a man full of cloaked rage covered in nervous sweat. Those 900 miles seemed to go on forever.
The next 6 months at home brought nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps this episode with his mother was a fluke. I relaxed a little. I went back to work and was the sole support of the family then. He was trying to start a business with a friend of his, but to be honest it was mostly drinking and partying and fishing and hunting with all the responsibilities left to me. Sometimes I became frustrated with his selfish irresponsibility and half –truths and scrapes with the law. Otherwise it was day in and day out stuff until he hit me. Out of the blue he it me. I stood there in shock and confusion, I was so bewildered. How could he hit me, he said he loved me? My trust was broken even further. No man had ever hit me. It crushed my heart.
Looking back I should have left right then but it seemed so soon, so cowardly to walk out now. We hadn’t even tried yet. Everybody told me that marriage takes work but what took work after this act, was the love.
About that time we had received word from his family that his mother’s mobile home had been burned to the ground and later that her boyfriend had been killed in alley somewhere back there. My mind started racing. Had he gone back there on one of his hunting trips and done that? I didn’t put it past him. I was always so leery of what he was up to. I was keenly aware that hidden within him was the potential to do something like that, but I thought it was just a felt sense. Of course I didn’t accuse him, that would have been suicide, but I sure wondered about it.
Next post Acts of Madness
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