THE FAMILY CON ARTIST.

They draw on their ability to talk people into things.

*I was never sure where this ability came from because it just appeared one day, but later I recognized that it had been practiced over time. Was this part of the genetic makeup which was so evident on my ex’s family line? There was always the chance that they had learned it from someone but who would teach them that? Their father? None-the –less it had become a part of their characters and personalities and something they shared like a genetic trait.

They learn what works TO GET THEM WHAT They WANT almost every time. They Practice manipulations: Practice makes perfect. Experience is the best teacher and repetition is the key to success. We now have a person with a manipulative skill set.


They play on your deepest affections or EMOTIONS. 

My example: I was their mother and of course we had strong ties to our family. They knew I was emotionally invested in them and cared deeply for them on every level. They decided that this was a strong tool for manipulation and used my motherly love against me for their personal gain.

They play the victim and make people feel pity for them. They guilt others into helping them through lies and sob stories.

They show signs of an addiction. Addicts are great talkers and takers and highly manipulative. They have to invest in their need by hook or by crook. Addicts also have a dull conscience or lack remorse for what they do. This makes them better swindlers.

My Example: All three of my perpetrators were and are substance abusers. You have heard of the “gift of gab”, well. They had it in abundance.  The substance abuse, alcohol or drugs, reduced their inhibitions and gave freedom of speech a new meaning. There was no conscience provoking thought or word once they got started. Lies were the standard, outrageous stories about friends and relatives took the spotlight and money was always part of the repertoire. My daughter truly believed she was due an inheritance from my mother and went to an attorney about it after a night on the town. She forgot that she had slandered my mother by making up stories about my mom having a love relationship with a family friend soon after my fathers’ death. I felt that my mom could do whatever she wanted to without some child poking her nose in where it didn’t belong. End result: no inheritance money but she tried.

They harness and direct their selfishness and greed to further their gain. They look for people who have wealth, talent or popularity to take advantage of: status symbols.

They learn to be an actress or actor and adopt a false persona to enhance their masquerade.

They convince people that they are successful or popular, a leader and someone to follow and admire. They play a role, appear to be someone they are not, rich well dressed, popular, fashionable, and part of the inner circle etc.

They convince themselves that they can fool anyone and because of that they usually do.

They build up resilience and don’t show fear or doubt. Your fear or doubt is a different story and they relish in it.

They develop their charm and power of persuasion.

They make sure they are believable and have trusting friends to back up their appearance of loyalty and faithfulness. Many people vouch for them.

They find peoples emotional needs and weaknesses and capitalize on them.

They create chaos for their targets by stirring up their emotional reactions. They tear down resistance by pushing you to the end of your rope by using the information they you have given them leaving you clueless.

A very important key here is your emotions. It carries throughout everything they do here. Sad, Mad or afraid is their motto in out witting you. If they can get into your emotional space, they have destroyed you. Guard your emotions and find indifference and safety.

They ask very personal questions about you pretending to be concerned for you in some way. They get others to share their fears, especially getting them to reveal what things they care about the most and the painful part of their lives so that they have all of their secrets to later use against them. They find out what others are insecure about or feeling inferior to or because of. They get to know them rather quickly, become their intimate partner or their closest friend, in order to create a bond. They promise to keep your secrets but then they don’t. Exposing you to ridicule is part of the fun of winning against you.

My example: This was my daughter’s favorite tactic. She would warm up to me asking me about my plans, my dates, or even my thoughts on subjects and then she would use it against me. This took the form of telling stories to my unsuspecting boyfriend to make me look bad. She would use it to report everything that was going on in our home to my ex-husband who rewarded her substantially for carrying tales. She told my mother that I spent money foolishly hoping to get me in trouble with her and tarnish my reputation as a mother... What money, I asked, incredulously? I spent it all on them and my bills, living paycheck to paycheck so they wouldn’t be deprived. And then they stole the rest! 

They make sure that you believe you can trust them. They will wear the false persona of trustworthiness and create in you the belief that they would never betray you or use you in any way. They set the stage for their breach of trust and you don’t find out until the deed is done. They have become your confidant: your most reliable counterpart. They are always there for you, while behind your back they are robbing you blind, financially, emotionally, and spiritually. They are breaking your trust.

My example: My son needed gas to get to work and back. I gave him my credit card to use at the local gas station. I told him to bring it right back after filling up. He did. I believed I could trust him. This happened several more times but then I began to wonder how come he needed so much gas. I was not aware that he was letting his girlfriend use his truck to drive around all day while he was at work and then driving miles to pick him up after he was off work. I gave him the card again but this time he kept it and let his girlfriend run up a tab at the mini mart, allowing her to forge my name on the charge. I was also not aware that he was using drugs and needed gas from me so he could buy drugs with his paycheck.

They keep their victims coming back for more so they can get more. Remember it is a two way street until it’s over and they have gotten away with all of it; money, time, care, adoration. Everything you have to give is now theirs.